


The Grass Is Always Greener

by polymona



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Alternate Dimensions, Angst, Children, Existential Crisis, Feels, Gen, Humor, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polymona/pseuds/polymona
Summary: Red Dwarf stumbles upon a massive research station fixed in orbit around a huge interdimensional rift contained by a force field. Inside, a great machine harnesses the power of the rift to open windows into alternate dimensions based on keying in basic search criteria.Meanwhile, Lister deals with his continuing existential crisis over his supposed responsibility to single-handedly repopulate the human race.And Rimmer meets someone he had no idea existed, in this or any dimension.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	The Grass Is Always Greener

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the Red Dwarf book "Last Human"
> 
> I see this story taking place sometime post "The Promised Land"

Well, this was certainly not how Rimmer expected his morning to go.  
  
He had arrived back to his quarters after his morning shift to see Lister wearing only a t-shirt, bare bum fully exposed, holding some object over his jolly bits.  
  
"Listy," Rimmer said slowly, tilting his head as he mentally took in the scene, "might you care to explain why you are bollocks-deep in a fun-size bag of papadums?"  
  
"It's not what it looks like, Rimmer," Lister, replied, turning around. "It was empty! It's been cleaned- sterilized- I promise."  
  
The hologram stared, furrowing his brow and stated, "That just raises more questions."   
  
"See, it's part of my new plan," Lister explained. "Everyone's been on my pecks lately about how its _my_ responsibility to restart the human race-"  
  
"To be fair," Rimmer interrupted, "Kryten hasn't mentioned it again since finally getting serviced-"  
  
"Rimmer, just last week you went on and on about how my sperm aren't getting any younger-"   
  
"Well they aren't!"  
  
"See!" Lister exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "But there's no _point_ , if I really am the only human left- So that's when I got me plan."  
  
The hologram raised his eyebrows skeptically as Lister pushed him towards the door and began to lead him down the hallway.  
  
"Far be it from me to judge, Lister, but shouldn't you put some pants on first?"  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
A few minutes later a puzzled Rimmer watched a determined Lister, prancing about in his undies, carefully place the now sealed fun-size bag-formally of papadums-into the airlock, step back inside, and launch it into space.  
  
They both watched a few minutes as it froze in the void and slowly floated away.  
  
"So let me get this straight," Rimmer began, tapping a finger to his lips, "that's your sperm in there."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Don't take this the wrong way, Lister, but you've gone space-crazy."  
  
"Smeg off, Rimmer."  
  
"Listy, the endless void of space is not a sperm bank!"  
  
"But someday another ship with a human could find one of my containers, and if they had eggs-"  
  
"Hold on-" the hologram interrupted. " _One_ of your containers? Just how many of these creative recycling projects have you ejected into space?"  
  
"Round about two or three a day for the last month-ish."  
  
Rimmer blinked several times before he finally said, "No wonder Kryten has been complaining about not having enough garbage to empty from the bin."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Extraordinary!" Kryten exclaimed as the proximity alert flashed.  
  
"What is it?" Cat asked as Red Dwarf grew closer to the source of the alarm.  
  
Onscreen a massive space station came into view. In the very middle of it was a blue, egg-shaped, translucent force field that surrounded a white vertical tear in the very fabric of space.   
  
"Sirs, if these readings are correct, that is a stable interdimensional tear in space-time!"  
  
"I thought that was supposedly impossible," Rimmer said, double checking the read out.  
  
"Apparently not," Lister added, pointing at the screen.

They were close enough now that they could see the dimensional rift intermittently pulse with striking pink fractals that radiated outward, dispersing once they struck the containment field.  
  
"Any life signs on the station?" Rimmer asked Kryten.  
  
"No, sir," the mechanoid replied. "It appears abandoned but operational. According to this, all of its power is drawn from the rift, and runs fully on automatic. This technology is beyond anything we have encountered before."  
  
"What century was it built?" The hologram asked.  
  
Kryten studied the read out a few moments.  
  
"Ah, here it is, sirs, the station was constructed in the later half of the 69th century."  
  
Lister snorted slightly, stifling a laugh, a grin creeping onto his face as he glanced over at Rimmer.  
  
The hologram rolled his eyes at his bunkmate.

"Really, Listy. Really?"  
  
"I bet there's all sorts of shiny things over there," Cat added. "Think we should check it out?"  
  
"Yeah, Rimmer, ready to hop into Starbug and visit the 69th century?" The Scouser asked, waggling his eyebrows for extra effect.  
  
The hologram sighed, "Alright, yes yes, har har."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
As the Cat was casually piloting Starbug in, the controls suddenly froze, and the feline visibly stiffened.  
  
"Cat, man, what's wrong?" Lister asked.  
  
The feline moved his hands away from the steering stick, and gestured towards it as it started to move all on its own.  
  
"Sirs, some manner of advanced tractor beam has taken control and is guiding us in," Kryten explained.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Once docked, they found that, as Kryten had said, the place was fully operational, and breathable oxygen was readily available throughout the station. It was pristine, clean, and well lit-not anywhere close to the last few derelicts they explored which were decaying, ransacked, or filled with skeletons in odd compromising positions.  
  
"Think they have any food supplies?" Lister asked, as Kryten studied a helpful map of the station that was right outside the main bay.  
  
"Well, sirs, according to this map," the mechanoid pointed to a large red dot, "we are here, tracing upward, this large green section in the middle is the main science area, and continuing further up, in this orange sector here, appears to be the mess hall."  
  
"So, we take a quick stroll through the advanced tech, see what we can use, then hit the buffet?" Rimmer suggested.  
  
"Exactly." Kryten nodded.  
  
"Place seems too good to be true," Lister marveled, ghosting a hand over one of the impressive wall panels covered in blinking lights. "Why would anyone abandon this?"  
  
"Furthermore," Rimmer added, "why has no one stripped it for parts?"  
  
"Unknown," Kryten replied. "Though it may have defenses in place that have not made themselves known yet. "  
  
"Everybody, keep your eyes peeled," Lister said, adjusting the bazookoid strapped to his back.  
  
"Sirs, may I suggest that we _don't_ split up, and stay together as we explore each sector."  
  
"Kryten, those may be the most intelligent words you have ever uttered," Rimmer commented, clapping the mech on the shoulder as they all headed deeper into the station.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
After walking half a kilometer down the corridor, they finally reached the main science sector. The room opened into a huge half-dome that faced into the rift itself. In the center of the room was a circular work-desk with multiple machine panels with several levers and various keyboard inputs, including what looked like a hand-print scanner.   
  
Standing in the center of the circle was some sort of rotating dish that had multiple thick cables running out of it which led all the way towards the dome and the interdimensional tear contained inside.  
  
"What do you make of it, Krytes?" Lister asked.  
  
The mechanoid began scanning the room.  
  
Rimmer managed to catch the Cat before he touched something, shooing him away from the colorful blinking buttons.  
  
Kryten tentatively touched the hand-shaped input panel. It lit up, along with the screen next to it, and some text started spilling onto the screen.  
  
"Fascinating," the mechanoid's eyes darted quickly back and forth, reading all of the details at super speed.  
  
"Well?" Rimmer asked, turning his back long enough that Cat managed to trip over a wire and land face-first into the keyboard next to Kryten.  
  
"INPUT ACCEPTED," a computer voice boomed.  
  
Immediately, a siren on the ceiling activated, and thick blast doors came down, blocking the way they had entered the room. Lister jumped backwards as panels opened in the floor underneath his feet. Five large, flat, rectangular monoliths raised out of the floor in a semicircle around the workstation. The disk in the center glowed, pointing directly at the middle monolith, a pink electricity forming around the edges before suddenly powering down. The siren stopped, but the room remained sealed.  
  
"NO RESULTS FOUND"  
  
"Kryten, what the smeg just happened?" The hologram demanded.  
  
The mechanoid looked at the screen searchingly.  
  
"Ah, I see the problem," Kryten explained, "Mr. Cat entered a search for a dimension that contained 'wE4ofimaIR@gh' number of 'pOkJNAafsdjo$&asf'."  
  
"Oops?" The feline shrugged, picking himself up off of the floor.  
  
"The machine then powered up," the mechanoid continued, "preparing to present that dimension, then powered down when there was no result."  
  
"Someone made a machine that can search alternate dimensions?" Lister asked thoughtfully.  
  
"Precisely," Kryten nodded.  
  
"But what are these?" Rimmer said, cautiously touching one of the monoliths that raised from the floor. "This doesn't match any type of metal I've seen before."  
  
"My best guess," Kryten continued, "is that given a query that has results, they will appear on these in some manner."  
  
"So let's try it," Lister said.  
  
"Are you sure that's wise?" Rimmer asked.  
  
Lister shot his longtime bunkmate a skeptical look.  
  
"Alright, alright, " The hologram relented, "I _might_ have some experience in this area. Back away, Kryten, I think I can make a satisfactory query."  
  
The hologram placed his hand on the scanner.  
  
"It accepts keyed input or voice activation," the mechanoid added. "Go ahead when ready, sir."  
  
"Show me a dimension where I am an officer," Rimmer commanded, with a smug look.  
  
"NO RESULTS FOUND"  
  
"Smegging useless machine!" The hologram yelled in response. "I've _seen_ dimensions where I was an officer. Smegging _Ace_ was an officer!"  
  
"Perhaps try to be more specific," Kryten offered.  
  
Rimmer pondered a moment, mulling it over.  
  
"Show me a dimension where- at some point- Arnold J. Rimmer achieved the rank of officer," the hologram commanded, adding quickly, "- _and is not dead_."  
  
This time, when the machine whirled to life, the dish glowed brighter than before, focusing the pink lightning into a laser beam which fired into the center of the middle monolith. The beam radiated outward at the point of contact until it formed a portal, then from that, spread to the left and right, forming portals there as well, until all five had stable portals.  
  
"TOP FIVE RESULTS LOCKED IN"  
  
The machine powered down having successfully created the dimensional windows.  
  
"Magic doors!" Cat exclaimed, walking up to examine the moving images on the center dimension. "Hey, it's dormouse-cheeks!"  
  
"What the smeg is on my face?" Lister balked, standing next to Cat.  
  
Rimmer groaned. _Of all of the infinite dimensions, it had to be that one._  
  
"Look at my uniform, I'm the captain," Lister marveled.   
  
"And there's goalpost-head in your office being real chummy," the feline pointed.  
  
The hologram grumbled and turned his attention to the other windows. Three of them seemed very similar, with various slightly different scenes of Rimmer walking the corridors of Red Dwarf in an officer's uniform, but the last one was different.  
  
In a darkly lit room, a version of Lister was working studiously on some sort of advanced engineering drawing. On his desk was a small framed photo, but Rimmer couldn't make out who was in it. Then the scene shifted to show Rimmer, looking very much like Ace, except wearing a completely different uniform. This was apparently an Arnold Rimmer with all the success of Ace, except he never became a test pilot. Then Dave "Spanners" Lister appeared in a new scene aggressively playing tongue hockey with this Ace. That desk photo had obviously been a portrait of the two lovers.  
  
The hologram quickly turned around, trying to use his body to block the portal from view. He cleared his throat loudly, "Kryten, how do we shut this thing off?"  
  
"It's a simple keystroke, sir."  
  
"RESULTS CLEARED"  
  
"Rimmer! I was the captain in that dimension. Can you imagine?"   
  
The hologram nodded, thankful the others were too distracted by Captain Lister to notice how heated that other dimension was getting.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Lister, overcome by curiosity, placed his hand on the dimensional scanner, and closed his eyes.  
  
"Show me my sons, Jim and Bexley."  
  
"NO RESULTS FOUND"  
  
"I don't understand," Lister said, turning to Kryten. "Why can't it find them?"  
  
The mechanoid tapped his fingers together in thought. "Unfortunately, they exist in a parallel _universe_. Think of it this way, Mr. Lister, sir, a universe has a certain set of physical laws. Each parallel universe will have a different set of those laws. On the other hand, alternate _dimensions_ exist within our _own_ universe. We won't find a dimension here for example where people are dolphins or male humans give birth to babies or Brexit was a really good idea.  
  
The Scouser sighed.  
  
"Maybe try another query?" Rimmer offered, tentatively.  
  
Lister pondered a moment, and then spoke, "Show me a dimension where I am a father."  
  
The machine made a pained grinding noise at that request.  
  
"TOO MANY RESULTS"  
  
"Smeg, that's right, I'm also me own dad."  
  
Lister paused and thought it over again, he was determined to get this right.  
  
"Show me a dimension, where I, Dave Lister, a father, am alive, raising my own _multiple_ children."  
  
The glow of the pink laser illuminated the human's face.  
  
"ONE RESULT LOCKED IN"  
  
The four gathered around the single window. It showed a scene of rolling green hills of tall grass and a brilliant blue sky. There was the sound of laughter, children, and a figure in the distance.  
  
Lister leaned forward to try to get a better look, but lost his footing and fell straight through, disappearing completely.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Dave Lister groaned and stirred. Wind was blowing. Something was tickling at his face. He made a fist and found it full of dirt and blades of grass. _That's what was tickling his face, then_. He managed to roll over, now flat on his back, looking up at a blue sky and a portal floating in the air.  
  
_Good_ , he thought, _portal's still there, which means I should be able to get back_. Though, he couldn't see the others from this side. The center was filled with just a white static, like from an old vid. _Kryten failed to mention that it was possible to fall through these._   
  
"Ow, my back," Lister said, as he gathered himself up. "Smeg, that portal is way up there," he said looking up, shielding his face from the harsh sunlight. _Whoever lives here better have a ladder._  
  
He was up barely a moment before something struck Lister from behind, and the world went dark again.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Oh sirs, this is all my fault," the mechanoid sputtered, in full guilt-mode.  
  
"Yes, Kryten, this is very much is your fault," Rimmer scolded. "Did you not think it important to note that it was possible to go through these?"  
  
"I thought it was obvious?" Kryten replied unsurely.  
  
"Obvious? Obvious!" Rimmer shouted at the top of his lungs. "You!" He pointed to the Cat, "Did you think that was obvious?"  
  
Cat looked to Kryten who shook his head no.  
  
Cat looked back at Rimmer and nodded yes.  
  
The mechanoid slowly put his head in his hands.  
  
"Yeah!" The feline, none-the-wiser, exclaimed, grinning wider. "It's a magic door. How did you miss the _door_ part?"  
  
Rimmer twitched, nostrils fully flared, turned, and before Kryten could get another word in, was unceremoniously pushed through the portal by the hologram.  
  
"And don't come back until you find Lister!" Rimmer shouted.  
  
"Oh, is that the game we're playing?" Cat asked, mischievously.  
  
"Pardon?" Rimmer barely had time to squeak out before Cat pushed him through the portal as well.  
  
And then there was one.  
  
"Hey, I guess that means I win! Yeeeow!"  
  
  
On the other side of dimensional window, Rimmer scowled at Kryten in a heap on the grass.  
  
"Not one word out of you, bog-bot. Not one word."  
  
  
~*~   
  
  
Lister blinked awake, but squinted as the sun was still in his face. He tried to move his arm to shield his eyes, but found his wrists bound by a rope. A figure obscured by shadow stood over him, studying him.  
  
"Rimmer?" Lister asked, uncertainly.  
  
The figure flinched slightly, before helping Lister get into a sitting position out of the blinding sun.  
  
Now that Lister could finally see properly, he realized he was looking into the face of a stranger.  
  
"Sorry for the knock-you-out-tie-you-up first, ask-questions later, but you aren't the Dave Lister who lives here, and I couldn't afford to take any chances, not after what happened last time."  
  
"Who are you?" The Scouser questioned.  
  
"Lieutenant Colonel Michael McGruder, Space Corps Marine. And before I untie you, I'm going to need you to explain what you are doing here."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Kryten, where is Lister?" The hologram looked around in all directions seeing nothing but endless fields of tall grass and purple flowers. "Shouldn't he be here? We fell through the portal only moments after he did."  
  
"It's unknown how space-time works in relation to these interdimensional windows. Mr. Lister may have already been here for hours, or days. Perhaps longer."  
  
"Brilliant. Just smegging brilliant." Rimmer wagged his finger at the mechanoid scoldingly, "I'll have you know that when we get back to Red Dwarf I am going to unscrew your head and replace you with spare-head-three permanently. Do you hear me?"  
  
Kryten frowned sheepishly and averted his eyes to the ground, but as soon as Rimmer's back was turned, he mouthed _Smeee Heee_.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Lister watched McGruder cross his arms and nod his head now and then as he mulled over the Scouser's story.  
  
"So, d'you believe me?" Lister asked, offering his hands out, hoping this paranoid bloke would finally untie him.  
  
"Everything I learned at the academy tells me that the space station you describe is theoretically possible," McGruder replied, "though the odds of such a stable rift existing is statistically unlikely."  
  
"Come on, man. I didn't mean to end up here, I just want to get back."  
  
"So, why don't you?"  
  
Lister pointed his bound arms up in the direction of the sky. "Because the portal is floating ten-smegging-meters in the air!"  
  
"I don't see any portal," the Space Corps Marine replied.  
  
"I'm telling you, it's right there," Lister pleaded, as he looked again at the clearly defined shimmering white ellipse in the sky. "Maybe- maybe only I can see it since I'm not from here."  
  
"Alright, let's say that you are telling the truth. How can I help?"  
  
Lister held out his hands again.  
  
"-other than untying you."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Kryten, what are the odds that by the time we fetch Lister, and make it back to the portal, the Cat has pressed some button, turning off the machine, trapping us here forever?"  
  
"Before I answer, sir, do you want an accurate estimate of our chances, or the warm-fuzzies, everything's-going-to-be-just-peachy version?"  
  
The hologram sighed. "We're doomed."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"So," Lister began, as he followed McGruder down the hillside, "Why is it that you are so reluctant to trust me? Just what happened here?"  
  
"Years ago, a man that looked like you tried to kill us, and was responsible for the events that led to my father's final death," McGruder said solemnly. "That murderous Dave Lister was from an alternate dimension as well."  
  
"Smeg," the Scouser breathed, "I'm sorry."  
  
In the distance, a small cabin and farm came into view, as they got closer to their destination.  
  
  
"Do I exist in your dimension?" McGruder asked suddenly. "I heard you say my father's name earlier, so I imagine you must know him."  
  
Lister stared at the man blankly in response.  
  
"Arnold J. Rimmer?" McGruder offered.  
  
"Rimmer's your dad?" Lister gaped at him.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Wait here a moment," McGruder insisted.  
  
Lister sat down on a tree stump outside of the cabin.  
  
"David!" McGruder called out, knocking on the door, "David are you here?"  
  
Lister watched as a young man answered the door, who looked exactly like himself-when he was approximately seventeen years old.  
  
"Uncle Mike," the young man asked flatly, "why is my dad tied up?"  
  
"David, I know he looks like him, but that's not your father," McGruder explained. "Do you know where your father is today?"  
  
"Said he was taking my sisters down to the lake to play," David answered, still staring at Lister. "You sure that's not dad?"  
  
"Positive." McGruder said firmly. "Look, David, I'm going to need you to do me a favor," he said, handing the young man an ax. "I need you to go down to the forest and gather enough wood for us to build a ladder."  
  
"But Uncle Mike-" the teen whinged.   
  
"This is important, David."  
  
"Alright."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Under a large shade tree near the water's edge, a tired father napped next to his two young daughters who couldn't have been more than ten years old.  
  
He stirred slightly as he heard footsteps approach, the girls snuggling up closer under each arm.  
  
"Michael?" He said sleepily, "what's going on?"  
  
"I don't want to alarm you," McGruder replied, "but we have a visitor."  
  
Lister looked up at his other self, who made his best attempt to wave a hello with bound wrists.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
After a while, Rimmer and Kryten stumbled upon the cabin, but finding it empty they continued their search for their shipmate.  
  
Hearing the sounds of a river, they decided to investigate, and in the course of following the water, they happened upon a familiar face.  
  
"I'm going to get you little fishy!" The Cat sat on the bank of the river, dangling a string into the current, "I'm going to get you little fishy!"  
  
Rimmer's nostrils flared in anger as he spotted the feline, "That smegging Cat!"  
  
Kryten tried to hold him back, "Sir, if you'll wait a moment, I'm sure you'll find that's not our Mr. Cat."  
  
"What?" The hologram paused, looking back at the mechanoid.  
  
"Hey!" This Cat called out to them, noticing their approach.  
  
  
"Greetings," Kryten began slowly, before the feline cut him off.  
  
"I thought _you_ were at the lake doing laundry," he said to Kryten, then turned to Rimmer, "and _you_ , you're supposed to be dead, goalpost-head."  
  
"I _am_ dead." Rimmer said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Well, be dead somewhere else," the Cat replied, "you're scaring the fish."  
  
"Sir, according to this," Kryten explained to the feline, holding up a scanner, "there are no fish on this planet."  
  
"Don't tell them that!" The Cat exclaimed, "then they'll never bite!"  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Sorry about Michael, he can be a bit intense," the Lister of this dimension said, as he finally freed the visiting Lister's hands.  
  
"Well, I don't imagine you get to be a Space Corps Marine without being a bit intense," Lister replied, rubbing his sore wrists.  
  
"Yeah, that makes sense."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"I gotta ask, why is your farm just one giant field of broccoli?"  
  
The resident Lister laughed, "that's a really long story."  
  
"Papa," one of the children yawned, rubbing her eyes, why are there two of you?"  
  
"Are you going to introduce me?" The visiting Lister asked.  
  
"This is Arni and Krissi, my twin girls," the father said proudly.  
  
"Krissi? As in Kochanski?"  
  
The father smiled sadly and nodded. "Yes, their late mother."  
  
Lister's heart sank.  
  
  
The father gestured for the other Lister to sit with him on a log a few steps away, so that the girls could continue resting from a long day of playing in the lake.  
  
"Kris and I thought we were doing the right thing, being the last humans and all. And I don't regret the girls for one moment, don't get me wrong I don't. I love my children more than anything, but Kris- she didn't survive. And I regret that, because it's my fault."  
  
"Smeg, I'm sorry. Don't blame yourself."  
  
The father sighed. "Is your Kochanski still around in your dimension?"  
  
"She was never _my_ Kochanski," Lister admitted to himself. "Another Kris from another dimension got stuck with us for awhile, but it wasn't- we weren't- I really hope she made it home, but I will never know for certain if she's alright. I think I've made peace with that."  
  
"I see. But if not her, surely there is someone else?"  
  
"No, as far as I know, I'm the last human alive."  
  
"That's not what I was asking-"  
  
"Someone's coming!" McGruder interrupted.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
The river the hologram and mechanoid were following suddenly opened into a pristine lake.  
  
"Sir, do you hear that?"  
  
"Yes, Kryten, voices, coming from that tree over there!"  
  
  
"Rimmer!" A distant voice called out, running straight for him.  
  
"Listy?" Rimmer asked uncertainly as he was suddenly engulfed in a tight hug.  
  
"Rimmer, man. It's so good to see you! It's been too long."  
  
The hologram looked down at this Lister, who looked mostly the same, if not a little worse for wear. Not to mention the completely different clothing.  
  
"Just how long have you been here?" Rimmer questioned.  
  
"Oh, about twenty years," Lister replied nonchalantly, "-or twenty of whatever passes for a year on this planet."  
  
"Twenty years, Krtyten! Twenty! I'll kill that useless Cat!"  
  
"Ahem," a second Lister off to the side cleared his throat loudly.  
  
The hologram did a literal double take.  
  
"You gimboid that's not me, I'm me!" the exasperated Lister exclaimed, "I've only been here half a day!"  
  
  
~*~   
  
  
The Space Corps Marine hesitantly approached the hologram, "Sir, if I may-"  
  
Rimmer turned to see a man he did not know reaching out to shake his hand.  
  
"Arnold J. Rimmer, and you are?"  
  
"I don't know if I exist in your dimension, but in this one, you were my father. I'm Lieutenant Colonel Michael McGruder, Space Corp Marines."  
  
"Your- father?" Rimmer felt faint for a moment, but the feeling passed. _In this dimension I had a son?_  
  
"Yes," McGruder nodded, "my father selflessly sacrificed himself to save all of our lives. We would be dead right now without him."  
  
Rimmer sighed, still in awe, "I doubt he was anything like me then."  
  
"You'd be dead wrong about that," the resident Lister of this dimension interjected.  
  
"Sir, I never got the chance to tell my father something, but you are here, now, so I will tell you-"  
  
McGruder put his hand firmly on Rimmer's shoulder and looked him in the eye.  
  
"-I want you to know that I am proud, extremely proud, to be your son."  
  
Rimmer nodded slowly, taking in words he knew were meant for someone else, an unreadable expression upon his face.  
  
"May I hug you?" Michael asked awkwardly.  
  
The hologram nodded again as he found himself being hugged for the second time in one day.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"We spent two smegging hours putting together this ladder!" Rimmer complained as the group arrived back at the portal.  
  
The interdimensional gateway was still open, yes, only now a makeshift rope of bed sheets tied end to end was hanging down from it.  
  
"Where did Cat even find those?" Lister pondered.  
  
"Does it matter?" The other Lister replied.  
  
"He must have raided the scientists quarters on the station," Kryten suggested, "I recall seeing those on the map not far from the science lab."  
  
"What about the blast doors?" The hologram asked, in disbelief.  
  
Lister shrugged, "Do you think Cat followed us in here?"  
  
"If he did, I say we leave him here."  
  
"Rimmer!"  
  
The hologram only snorted, nostrils flared in response.  
  
"Sirs, might I suggest we thread the sheets through the ladder and tie the ends," Kryten offered. "It will make for a more stable climb."  
  
  
"Wait!" McGruder ran up, thrusting a piece of paper into Rimmer's hand. It was covered in various numbers.  
  
"What's this?" The hologram asked.  
  
"The coordinates of where my ship, the Mayflower, crashed in this dimension, and its hailing frequencies," the Space Corps Marine explained. "There is a high probability it exists in your dimension, even if its not in the exact same location, it may be in the same vicinity. And even if I'm not on it, another human that needs help might be."  
  
"Thank you, Michael," Rimmer replied softly.  
  
McGruder gave his father a final salute as Lister and Kryten began the climb up to their home dimension.  
  
The hologram could do no less than give his son the full Rimmer salute in return.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Some days later, Starbug passed by a quiet lava planet.  
  
"Anything?" Cat asked.  
  
"No sirs," Kryten replied.  
  
"But these were the coordinates he provided," Rimmer said, deflated.  
  
"There are still several nearby moons and planetoids to check," Lister offered reassuringly.  
  
  
Sure enough, they finally picked up a signal from a moon in the same system that was half ice, half water. A ship was just underneath the surface trapped in an ice shelf.  
  
"It's the Mayflower." Lister said, as he got confirmation that the distress signal it was sending out exactly matched the frequency Michael provided them.  
  
"Any life-signs?" Rimmer asked hopefully.  
  
"Affirmative." Kryten replied.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"It couldn't be him, could it?" Rimmer said to his bunkmate as they stared at the sealed unit with the name McGruder plastered on the outside of it. "There's no way."  
  
"Didn't Yvonne McGruder leave Red Dwarf several weeks before the accident?" Lister pointed out.  
  
"See! That's my point, that could be anyone's son in there," the hologram concluded, shifting about nervously.   
  
"Only one way to find out," Lister grinned, keying in the awake sequence.  
  
The door hissed open, and Rimmer promptly fainted.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Somewhere a few sectors away, a small simulant scout ship was patrolling the area, looking for humans or human-like things to kill.  
  
"Oooh, XB-49-A do pull over, I see something off the port side I wish to capture!"  
  
"Whatever could, be so important, XB-867-D?"  
  
"Why, only my favorite snack in the galaxy, XB-49-A, a fun-size serving of papadums!"  
  
  
XB-867-D opened the bag and peered inside, a smile quickly turning into a frown.  
  
"What?" The other simulant questioned.  
  
"Humans are disgusting."


End file.
